1. |
It Comes in Waves
03:17
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i’ve never finished what I’ve started
my skin gets cold, or I leave empty hearted
I dig too deep and bury the shovel
break the surface to find a new tunnel
I won’t touch my love for days
I’ll burn myself out until the next wave
this manic-depression, selective amnesia
killing me softly with every idea
there is very little in this world that holds my affection
and what I end up loving gets forgotten and neglected
those obsessions wear me down, and I begin resentment
I search for solitude and beg for disconnection
The ocean of life will never stop breaking
my heart is empty and my soul is aching
my stubborn disaffection towards beauty and perfection
this dissatisfaction with ordinary balance in every day projections
do you believe my bones? I’m a hateful, selfish narcissistic fuck
I put on this disguise to help you realize my false intentions
I wake up wishing i was still asleep
comatose wishing i was neck-deep
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2. |
Hanging By A Thread
02:27
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all i need is my progeny to look up to me
i want them to be impassioned
all i need is my family to be proud of me
i die when my mother cries
all i need is my friends and kings to admire me
i need to feel more than nothing
to love me honestly
i need it constantly
i hate to be hated
i want to be wanted
so tell me you love me
so i won’t be haunted
i’m afraid to be your disappointment
i just crave to be your proudest moment
i fear your disdain cause my courage relies on outside forces
and if i disappoint you i’m left to my own devices
and my solitude motivates my self-destruction
cause my self-respect would ashame any cavalier messiah
my cowardly anxiety of carving in your burden
I contort out of instinct to avoid the awkward silence
I can’t defend myself if you break my comfort
irrational chagrin is why my mind is always violent
i blame my self for my myriad mistakes
how can you love me if i don’t love myself?
my mirror shows me who’s at fault for the ache
how can you love me if i don’t love myself?
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3. |
Solution:Avoidance
03:14
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do you know what it takes to struggle every day to not become the person you hate?
do you know what it’s like to struggle every time and still not become satisfied?
i used to never fall asleep because i hated waking up
but now i want to always dream cause i can never get enough
but now reality begins to force away myself from my dreams
the vivid scenes make memories suffer like they’re make-believe
this every day intoxication is not about reveling in reveries
it’s just the quickest way to avoid my state of being
this self-loathing sickness has haunted me for many years
I still don’t know if I’m alive or just dreaming
i’m better off neglecting cause it’s easier to forget
than to bloody-up the frame of mind with pity and regret
the apathy and ennui are quick to collapse my soul
the snakeskin of failed dreams are stained with my charcoal
“the dying animal seeks solitude just before the final breath,
and i’ve felt connected to none; i feel isolated. does that mean i’m dying?”
“i’m afraid so.”
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4. |
Nihilistic Tendencies
03:15
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this profound deficiency only found between crests
I think it’s a bitter anger in hibernation
you see, I envy motivation, and covet your progress
for mine are buried beneath my frail, fearful hesitation
this reluctance comes from my millennial dissection
finding not reason, nor purpose to construct what is bound to fall
but i crave permanence but how can you prove forever exists?
i am dooming the future without trying at all
I cannot cross the boundary into lasting consummation
my will gives out, my body gives in, and my mind gives up
I’ve convinced myself that nothing is worth it’s weight in time
I detach myself from life and watch the fire with stoic eyes
so now my threshold for passion is higher than my lethargy
the whiskey whispers sweet-nothings to bluff the Bliss
not much fulfills me and what does turns me jaded
so I pass the time by wasting away in vain without a kiss
“what comes after peace?”
“it starts all over again.”
“what does?”
“your suffering.”
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5. |
Deathbed Epiphanies
03:15
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somewhere down the line
i convinced myself through lies
that i wasn’t worth your time
and i was plaguing your mind
so i receded to my shell
to live inside my private hell
and not get up ever since i fell
and now i’m stuck inside this cell
when i stopped loving myself i stopped loving the world
when i stopped loving the world i stopped loving myself
this infinite, cyclical odium
this entombed, profound misanthropy
what takes flight must surely fall
and what’s without must be within
empathy garners perception
perspective provides inception
i have a subconscious dissonance that’s begging to be amended
a subliminal disharmony that needs to be transcended
for all the things i hate are the things that i create
and all the things i curse are my inner universe
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